To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends. -- Benjamin Franklin
Q: Why do men marry women?
A: You can't teach sheep to do housework.
Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it.
Arguments are extremely vulgar, for everyone in good society holds exactly the same opinion.
-- Oscar Wilde
God did not create the world in 7 days. He screwed around for 6 days and then pulled an all-nighter.
Magary's Principle: When there is a public outcry to cut deadwood and fat from any government bureaucracy, it is the deadwood and thee fat that do the cutting, and the public's services are cut.
Vosotros talais los árboles para construir los edificios para los hombres que se han vuelto locos por no haber podido ver los árboles. -- James Thurber. (1894-????).
Ver tambien la anotacion de Milan Kundera acerca de la musica contemporanea, el ponerla a volumen alto nos va haciendo sordos, y no nos queda otra alternativa que ponerla aun mas alto.
"The less justified a man is in claiming excellence for his own self, the more ready he is to claim all excellence for his nation, his religion, his race or his holy cause." [Eric Hoffer, philosopher and author, The True Believer, 1951, section 9]
The way to fight a woman is with your hat. Grab it and run.
"There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum." -- Arthur C. Clarke
Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump. -- Chinese Proverb
If Presidents don't do it to their wives, they do it to the country.
-- Mel Brooks
Q: What's tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous?
A: A canary with the super-user password.
Showing up is 80% of life.
-- Woody Allen
Con el espíritu sucede lo mismo que con el estómago: sólo puede confiársele aquello que pueda digerir.
-- Winston Churchill
RonilWazlib: man that sucked
RonilWazlib: if your girlfriend tells you she feels fat and hugs you for moral support, do not start jiggling her butt in an attempt to find the natural frequency of fat
RonilWazlib: and if she asks, DO NOT tell her what you are doing
Prototypical Steve Ballmer Submitted by HorsePunchKid@d... on April 11, 2007 - 3:06pm.
public void Ballmer(Developers developers) throws Chair
Regarding the Optimus Keyboard:
At $1564 USD, the price is a bit steep for most of us, but I'm sure it'll find its niche.
At that price, I'd expect to get the Optimus Prime keyboard, and it better transform into the leader of the Autobots, too!
Don't cross a mac fanboy....
Re:Note to self by elrous0 (869638)
Does this mean I should end my genetic experiment to cross-pollinate a Mac fanboy with a Scientologist to produce the world's most pompous asshole?
Q. What separates man from the animals?
A. A condom, hopefully.
I'm sick of storing all my porn on punchcards.
Re: Finally, by Culture20 (968837)
I don't see the punch-holes anymore, I just see blonde, brunette, redhead...
The martian lander's arm began fo malfunction:
Lander to NASA : I think I'm getting Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
NASA : We're not paying you Workman's Comp over this, you know.
Lander : That does it. I'm shutting down.
NASA : You can't do that!
Lander : I'm 50 gazillion miles away. Kiss my shiny metal ass.
NASA : If you keep this up, we're not bringing you back and putting you in the Old Robot Retirement Home.
Lander : Phooey. The Martians have made me a better deal anyway.
NASA : ...Martians?!
Lander : Yeah. Little weird-looking guy. (Sends picture)
NASA : You moron, that's Dennis Kucinich!
Son... this is the honest truth about the universe:
The universe was created by an all-powerful all-knowing being who came down to us in the form of a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father who can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
Well, if you are, I suggest you hurry up, because soon you might get your in-flight meal. Which isn't exactly candle-lit dinner material, to put it mildly. On the last flight I've been on, for example, they gave us some... chopped up weeds, with one thin slic of tomato and one thinner slice of Mozarella. It was slightly larger than a 2 Euro coin, btw. It was called "Insalata Caprese", apparently because "capra" in Italian means goat and you'd have to be one to actually enjoy it or get any nourishment out of it. (Hint: herbivores can extract protein from leaves and stalks by letting it ferment in their compartmented stomachs. Humans can't.)
Committee, n.:
A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
-- Fred Allen
http://science.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=1161185&cid=27199455
Countries like Russia, China, and India have had remarkable scientific achievements, but have been mired down by their inefficient socialist economies.
You misspelled "rampant institutionalized corruption at all levels of government".
Marriage Ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family.
-- O. C. Ogilvie
a mac vs. pc commercial you'll never see: "Whatcha doin, PC?" "I'm playing this new game." "Oh really, which one?" "Any." "Oh." (silence) (fade)
You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother
Fortune
There are 4 boxes to use in the defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, ammo. Use in that order. Starting now.
"Our ignorance is God; what we know is science." [Robert G. Ingersoll, "The Gods", 1872]
<green> We vegetarians love the environment. carnivores are sick freaks.
<Frank> How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all
the fucking plants
Fortune
"Freedom is the distance between church and state."
John Boston
10 Reasons Why a Beer is Better Than a Woman:
- You can enjoy a beer all month.
- Beer stains wash out.
- Beer doesn't go crazy once a month.
- Beer never makes you wait.
- A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
- Beer doesn't have a lawyer "in the family".
- A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
- Beer doesn't demand equality.
- Beer labels come off without a fight.
- Beer doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left.
the most important things we need to manage can't be measured.
W. Edwards Deming
A Menem, le dicen jazz: Lo crearon los negros para que lo disfruten los blancos.
"The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don’t just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary."
-- James Nicoll